I don't know what made me stop writing in this thing, and I don't know what makes me want to start again today, but here goes.
So to catch up any strangers who may stumble across this piece of my life, my adventure through AmeriCorps, ended abruptly with a somewhat serious injury about a month and a half before the actual end of the program. It was a strange and chaotic time, but I knew that leaving was the right thing to do, and in all honesty, I never really looked back. I missed my team, and the sense I had of doing something useful, but those things worked themselves out in time. And, I needed to concentrate on healing.
For about half a year, I did very little. I went to PT, and the doctors, I worked some to keep up with loan payments, mostly I felt a little sorry for myself, and quite at a loss as to how to deal with it. My injury wasn't getting better, worker's comp was refusing to pay for surgery, and I didn't know what to do.
Moving home was not all it was cracked up to be. 24, unemployed, uninsured, and living with my parents was not where I imagined myself 5 years previous. Hell, I wouldn't have pictured it five months previous. But that's what happened, and there I was, hoping for a turnaround. This is not to dismiss my crazy, but wonderful parents, who not only let me move back in, also supported and dealt with my craziness through the whole ordeal. I don't think I'll ever be able to repay them.
Then, magically, things started getting better. I had surgery in February and was slowly able to really begin healing. My ankle will never be what it used to be, but I think, it's actually, finally, getting somewhere. After many months of PT, I have sincere hope that I will not need another surgery, though that possibility is still on the table. Post immediate recovery (which, unfortunately, took 3 months), I started working more, which took some pressure off paying those crazy student loans. Then, in late August, I was hired to work at a library it's only part time right now, but could really be something, if I stick around long enough.
All in all, though I could never have pictured this fallout 2 years ago when I joined AmeriCorps, I would probably do it all over again. All I have to do is think about my crazy students at Woodlake, to know that regardless of what happened to me, it was worth it.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Saturday, March 26, 2011
A Sad Announcement.
Today I would write about my next great adventure as my blog promises, but I cannot. Today is the first day I've really felt like I could talk about this with any kind of composure, with the kind of eloquence she truly deserves (at least I hope to).
Friday, March 11th 2011, my maternal grandmother passed away. She lost a truly courageous, year-long battle with cancer. She was mother to a family of 8 children, and a grandmother/great-grandmother to over 30. She never complained, never faltered, and never wavered in her magnanimous devotion to her family, her friends, and her community. She was a rock, a stable, dependable force of patience and love, who through some miracle could morph into a powerful organizer, community planner, and fundraiser, then turn into a gentle grandmother who could hug each of her many progeny with as much love and acceptance as her ever-expanding heart possessed.
The world seems to me, a less kind place without her. My father put it best when he said it seemed like he was forgetting something when he left the the house each morning. I feel an emptiness from her death that I've never experienced before. Our family, certainly, will never be the same. Though her legacy lives in each life she touched, and most assuredly in her children who each got some of the best of her.
I like to think of her not so much as gone, but resting from a life truly lived in service to those around her. For if any soul deserves it, she most certainly does.
Friday, March 11th 2011, my maternal grandmother passed away. She lost a truly courageous, year-long battle with cancer. She was mother to a family of 8 children, and a grandmother/great-grandmother to over 30. She never complained, never faltered, and never wavered in her magnanimous devotion to her family, her friends, and her community. She was a rock, a stable, dependable force of patience and love, who through some miracle could morph into a powerful organizer, community planner, and fundraiser, then turn into a gentle grandmother who could hug each of her many progeny with as much love and acceptance as her ever-expanding heart possessed.
The world seems to me, a less kind place without her. My father put it best when he said it seemed like he was forgetting something when he left the the house each morning. I feel an emptiness from her death that I've never experienced before. Our family, certainly, will never be the same. Though her legacy lives in each life she touched, and most assuredly in her children who each got some of the best of her.
I like to think of her not so much as gone, but resting from a life truly lived in service to those around her. For if any soul deserves it, she most certainly does.
Monday, February 28, 2011
A Goodbye and A New Adventure
On February 18th we said goodbye to Woodlake Elementary. It was a sad day. There were tears, many of them, on both our parts. My kids made me a folder full of notes and pictures, I think I cried over every single one. I wonder if they will ever understand how much they meant to me. I hope they do, one day.
What got me the most was the children I didn't expect to see upset. The boys who never spoke to me. My little mentee who didn't even seem to like me. They were all in tears and their tears moved me to cry as well. I was asked by one little boy if I could be his mother, others ask me to quit my job and stay with them. I got so many notes that simply said "please stay." I tear-up just thinking about it.
Today we begin the first day of transition, a small span of time when every team is back on campus and we have a plethora of meetings and papers and other boring things. It's nice to see everyone again, but my team is family and I'm closest with all of them.
Our next project begins next Wed March 9th about 60 miles outside of San Diego in a small town called Julian, CA, We will be working about 2 miles from town at a Methodist camp for the siblings of children with terminal or serious diseases. We will be hiking and clearing trails as well as clearing vegetation. It's in the mountains, so it could be cold or warm or rainy or sunny. In other words, I must be prepared for anything. That is a skill you either have or must acquire to be a successful member of Americorps. The facts of your life change too fast in this program for you to waver, you simply must be prepared. I suppose it's like living 10 years of an adult life in 10 months. You start somewhere new, you find friends and family, you move and change jobs 4 or 5 times, your living situation changes, your money situation changes, and at the end of it, you can barely recognize yourself. I'm not the same person I was when I entered this program. I wonder who I'll be in another 5 months.
What got me the most was the children I didn't expect to see upset. The boys who never spoke to me. My little mentee who didn't even seem to like me. They were all in tears and their tears moved me to cry as well. I was asked by one little boy if I could be his mother, others ask me to quit my job and stay with them. I got so many notes that simply said "please stay." I tear-up just thinking about it.
Today we begin the first day of transition, a small span of time when every team is back on campus and we have a plethora of meetings and papers and other boring things. It's nice to see everyone again, but my team is family and I'm closest with all of them.
Our next project begins next Wed March 9th about 60 miles outside of San Diego in a small town called Julian, CA, We will be working about 2 miles from town at a Methodist camp for the siblings of children with terminal or serious diseases. We will be hiking and clearing trails as well as clearing vegetation. It's in the mountains, so it could be cold or warm or rainy or sunny. In other words, I must be prepared for anything. That is a skill you either have or must acquire to be a successful member of Americorps. The facts of your life change too fast in this program for you to waver, you simply must be prepared. I suppose it's like living 10 years of an adult life in 10 months. You start somewhere new, you find friends and family, you move and change jobs 4 or 5 times, your living situation changes, your money situation changes, and at the end of it, you can barely recognize yourself. I'm not the same person I was when I entered this program. I wonder who I'll be in another 5 months.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Marsales
Much has happened in the world of Woodlake Elementary since I last wrote in my blog, but today I will tell you about one boy.
His name is Marsales. He's the kind of kid who would be easy to overlook, if he made life easy for you. He doesn't.
He's definitely first runner-up for class clown in my book and there is some spark about him I can't help but love. He's spunky and full of his own opinions. He's not the smartest kid in class and I think it frustrates him, he wishes he were quicker.
He's a troublemaker in every since of the word. He doesn't pay attention. He gets others in trouble too. And he never, never, never stops talking.
Yesterday he informed me, while I was helping him with homework in the afterschool program, that he could not tie his shoes. He's 9. Our conversation went something like this.
Marsales: "Ms. Sarah, can you tie my shoe for me?"
Me: "Marsales, can't you tie your shoe yourself?"
Marsales: "Nope, my dad always does it for me."
"Me: "Oh alright, we're are going to fix that."
Marsales: "Why can't you just tie it for me?"
Me: "What sport do you like to play, Marsales?"
Marsales: "Basketball."
Me: "What if you are on the basketball court and your shoe comes untied, are you going to call your dad down from the stands to tie it for you?"
Marsales: "Oh."
It took him an hour to tie his shoe correctly, but he was concentrating harder than I had seen him concentrate on anything. Ever. It was amazing. I tested him again today and he struggled for about 15 minutes. Then, suddenly, he did it 5 times in a row!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy. I felt like a proud mom. It was, hands down, my favorite moment of the week. I had to share.
His name is Marsales. He's the kind of kid who would be easy to overlook, if he made life easy for you. He doesn't.
He's definitely first runner-up for class clown in my book and there is some spark about him I can't help but love. He's spunky and full of his own opinions. He's not the smartest kid in class and I think it frustrates him, he wishes he were quicker.
He's a troublemaker in every since of the word. He doesn't pay attention. He gets others in trouble too. And he never, never, never stops talking.
Yesterday he informed me, while I was helping him with homework in the afterschool program, that he could not tie his shoes. He's 9. Our conversation went something like this.
Marsales: "Ms. Sarah, can you tie my shoe for me?"
Me: "Marsales, can't you tie your shoe yourself?"
Marsales: "Nope, my dad always does it for me."
"Me: "Oh alright, we're are going to fix that."
Marsales: "Why can't you just tie it for me?"
Me: "What sport do you like to play, Marsales?"
Marsales: "Basketball."
Me: "What if you are on the basketball court and your shoe comes untied, are you going to call your dad down from the stands to tie it for you?"
Marsales: "Oh."
It took him an hour to tie his shoe correctly, but he was concentrating harder than I had seen him concentrate on anything. Ever. It was amazing. I tested him again today and he struggled for about 15 minutes. Then, suddenly, he did it 5 times in a row!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy. I felt like a proud mom. It was, hands down, my favorite moment of the week. I had to share.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
A Hard Day.
Today was a hard day.
Hard days don't usually bother me. My days are no longer about me, but today was particularly difficult.
It started off as a normal day at school. A rousing round of "wrangle the children" while they have breakfast in the cafeteria. It's more fun than work. Many of the kids, upon seeing me in the cafeteria yell "Sarah!" and then proceed to hug me. I think I get more hugs now than I ever did before. I can't complain.
Post-cafeteria craziness, I go to my class. I like helping one-on-one with the kids. It's my favorite part of the day. We are learning how to subtract fractions and they are getting pretty good at it. Only a few really need work, and I get to spend my time with them. Seeing them succeed is one of my favorite things. I don't know if I'd ever have it in me to teach 8-year old's, but I really do love these kids. Even the ones I have to coerce to pick up a pencil.
I also mentor a few children. All of us have at least one. Kids the teachers thought needed some extra attention. I had lunch with one of mine today. A sweet child who could do so well, but is lacking confidence. This child, in casual conversation, told me some pretty terrible things that are happening at home. Today it hit home, I've heard it before, but all I wanted to do was cry. I care so much about this child.
I think it made me realize how much and how little we do. I swoop in for 8 weeks, doing my best to help. My teacher said today that if I hadn't been so much help in the class, if things hadn't turned around so much in such a short time, she was going to quit. I'm glad I could help, but in 6 weeks I'm on my way. I won't see these kids again. They will still have things to overcome that I can't even imagine. I know some of them will do it. I also know some of them won't.
I know this is not a new dilemma, this is simply how things are. I just wish I could do more than be sad about it. I wish neither I nor they will have to suffer the limits of my own volunteer work.
Hard days don't usually bother me. My days are no longer about me, but today was particularly difficult.
It started off as a normal day at school. A rousing round of "wrangle the children" while they have breakfast in the cafeteria. It's more fun than work. Many of the kids, upon seeing me in the cafeteria yell "Sarah!" and then proceed to hug me. I think I get more hugs now than I ever did before. I can't complain.
Post-cafeteria craziness, I go to my class. I like helping one-on-one with the kids. It's my favorite part of the day. We are learning how to subtract fractions and they are getting pretty good at it. Only a few really need work, and I get to spend my time with them. Seeing them succeed is one of my favorite things. I don't know if I'd ever have it in me to teach 8-year old's, but I really do love these kids. Even the ones I have to coerce to pick up a pencil.
I also mentor a few children. All of us have at least one. Kids the teachers thought needed some extra attention. I had lunch with one of mine today. A sweet child who could do so well, but is lacking confidence. This child, in casual conversation, told me some pretty terrible things that are happening at home. Today it hit home, I've heard it before, but all I wanted to do was cry. I care so much about this child.
I think it made me realize how much and how little we do. I swoop in for 8 weeks, doing my best to help. My teacher said today that if I hadn't been so much help in the class, if things hadn't turned around so much in such a short time, she was going to quit. I'm glad I could help, but in 6 weeks I'm on my way. I won't see these kids again. They will still have things to overcome that I can't even imagine. I know some of them will do it. I also know some of them won't.
I know this is not a new dilemma, this is simply how things are. I just wish I could do more than be sad about it. I wish neither I nor they will have to suffer the limits of my own volunteer work.
Monday, January 17, 2011
“Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others? "- Martin Luther King Jr.
Today we remember a life by attempting, in some small way, to make the lives of others better. If I could choose a way to be remembered, I would want people to pay-it forward for me, since simply remembering someone does nothing to make the world any better.
My team and I were the kick-off site for a 13 site clean-up in Sacramento City Public Schools. We worked at PS-7, an incredibly high-achieving, but underfunded and understaffed public school in the Sacramento City Unified School District. They have no money for janitors or a maintenance crew, so we (along with 100 or so Kaiser Permanente employees) were it. Since we were the kick-off site, the mayor showed up, along with a half-dozen or so media outlets. I tried to avoid those like the plague. It wasn't always possible.
We got to PS-7 at 5:15am, set up and waited. After leading people through registration, breakfast, and the many speeches of pontificating politicians and CEO's, we got to work. We each led a group of volunteers to do a specific clean-up task. I had the great multi-purpose room scrub down. With a team of 5 volunteers and another Americorps member under my wing, we dusted windows, scrubbed walls and tables, swept and mopped. Since a team of 7 could knock that out in about and hour and a half, we moved on to moving tables and chairs and organizing other classrooms. I thought it went pretty well, all in all.
In other news, my life at Woodlake Elementary School is going pretty well. I'm working with a class of 3rd graders. They are pretty wonderful. I basically help with homework and independent work. Some kids need so much help, others need to be pushed and challenged, it's never boring. I also get to plan a science lesson for every Friday! In California, all the kids are tested on are Math and Reading, so science and social studies are ignored. Also, my teacher is not scientifically-inclined, therefore it is not taught to my students.
It's not a physically demanding task, but mentally it can be terribly taxing. The kids tell you horror stories of their home lives and sometimes all you want to do is not let that kid go back to that home at the end of the day, but you smile and send them on their way. It's all you can do. I hope that I can give them some confidence and affection during the day, if they don't get it at home. I will be sad to leave them. I hope they get another Americorps team next round, I don't want any improvements the school makes while we are here fall to the wayside after we leave.
I think the main thing I have learned, so far, in this oft-terrible program is that I truly can do anything. There really is always a way to get what you really want done, done. I've stood on 60 degree slopes of mountainsides swinging a machete like a madwoman, I've led a group of disgruntled volunteers, I've even faced a class of 35 9-year old's armed with balloons and a recently-acquired knowledge of static electricity. The last being, by far, the scariest. After this year, I really do believe whatever I truly want, I can get.
My team and I were the kick-off site for a 13 site clean-up in Sacramento City Public Schools. We worked at PS-7, an incredibly high-achieving, but underfunded and understaffed public school in the Sacramento City Unified School District. They have no money for janitors or a maintenance crew, so we (along with 100 or so Kaiser Permanente employees) were it. Since we were the kick-off site, the mayor showed up, along with a half-dozen or so media outlets. I tried to avoid those like the plague. It wasn't always possible.
We got to PS-7 at 5:15am, set up and waited. After leading people through registration, breakfast, and the many speeches of pontificating politicians and CEO's, we got to work. We each led a group of volunteers to do a specific clean-up task. I had the great multi-purpose room scrub down. With a team of 5 volunteers and another Americorps member under my wing, we dusted windows, scrubbed walls and tables, swept and mopped. Since a team of 7 could knock that out in about and hour and a half, we moved on to moving tables and chairs and organizing other classrooms. I thought it went pretty well, all in all.
In other news, my life at Woodlake Elementary School is going pretty well. I'm working with a class of 3rd graders. They are pretty wonderful. I basically help with homework and independent work. Some kids need so much help, others need to be pushed and challenged, it's never boring. I also get to plan a science lesson for every Friday! In California, all the kids are tested on are Math and Reading, so science and social studies are ignored. Also, my teacher is not scientifically-inclined, therefore it is not taught to my students.
It's not a physically demanding task, but mentally it can be terribly taxing. The kids tell you horror stories of their home lives and sometimes all you want to do is not let that kid go back to that home at the end of the day, but you smile and send them on their way. It's all you can do. I hope that I can give them some confidence and affection during the day, if they don't get it at home. I will be sad to leave them. I hope they get another Americorps team next round, I don't want any improvements the school makes while we are here fall to the wayside after we leave.
I think the main thing I have learned, so far, in this oft-terrible program is that I truly can do anything. There really is always a way to get what you really want done, done. I've stood on 60 degree slopes of mountainsides swinging a machete like a madwoman, I've led a group of disgruntled volunteers, I've even faced a class of 35 9-year old's armed with balloons and a recently-acquired knowledge of static electricity. The last being, by far, the scariest. After this year, I really do believe whatever I truly want, I can get.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Time Delay.
I started Americorps National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC) on October 7th, 2010. There was training and craziness and rules and I did not have time to write about it. Then I went to a magical land off the coast of LA called Santa Catalina Island, I was camping with no electricity and only occasional internet access. It was amazing. If you ever want to feel empowered, spend some time climbing mountains with slopes so steep you have to bury your machete (yes, my machete) into the soil and use it to pull yourself up to the top. Jackhammering is another good option. Trust me, it works. Anyway, the moral of this tale would be that I had no time or ability to write about my life as a volunteer.
Now I'm going to try again.
This round, round 2, my team and I are staying on campus in Sacramento to work in an elementary school that could use an infusion of idealistic, fresh-faced, 20-something's. They have no idea what they signed up for. We start in on the 5th, after a 2-day stint of prepartory meetings, presentations, and other "important" duties. I'm nervous (terrified actually), I'm excited, mostly I'm ready to start working for something again. Break was wonderful, but I'm ready to start helping.
I feel I could best sum up what I haven't written about by giving you a list of what I have learned in Americorps:
Now I'm going to try again.
This round, round 2, my team and I are staying on campus in Sacramento to work in an elementary school that could use an infusion of idealistic, fresh-faced, 20-something's. They have no idea what they signed up for. We start in on the 5th, after a 2-day stint of prepartory meetings, presentations, and other "important" duties. I'm nervous (terrified actually), I'm excited, mostly I'm ready to start working for something again. Break was wonderful, but I'm ready to start helping.
I feel I could best sum up what I haven't written about by giving you a list of what I have learned in Americorps:
- You can never have too many flashlights, waterbottles, or pairs of socks.
- 15-passenger vans are terrifiying, particularly to drive.
- Dish soap can freeze
- Campfires cook faster than stoves
- British accents are not only fun, they can save your sanity
- Truly good people do exist
- When you hurt so much you think you can't move, you can.
- The smaller the cactus, the more it hurts.
- Bathing can be optional.
- Heights aren't that terrifying
- The sun means a lot in California.
- People can change
- And, my life seems pretty badass, even if I'm not.
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