A Hard Day.

Today was a hard day. 

Hard days don't usually bother me. My days are no longer about me, but today was particularly difficult.

It started off as a normal day at school.  A rousing round of "wrangle the children" while they have breakfast in the cafeteria.  It's more fun than work.  Many of the kids, upon seeing me in the cafeteria yell "Sarah!" and then proceed to hug me.  I think I get more hugs now than I ever did before. I can't complain.

Post-cafeteria craziness, I go to my class.  I like helping one-on-one with the kids. It's my favorite part of the day.  We are learning how to subtract fractions and they are getting pretty good at it.  Only a few really need work, and I get to spend my time with them.  Seeing them succeed is one of my favorite things.  I don't know if I'd ever have it in me to teach 8-year old's, but I really do love these kids.  Even the ones I have to coerce to pick up a pencil.

I also mentor a few children.  All of us have at least one.  Kids the teachers thought needed some extra attention.  I had lunch with one of mine today.  A sweet child who could do so well, but is lacking confidence. This child, in casual conversation, told me some pretty terrible things that are happening at home.  Today it hit home, I've heard it before, but all I wanted to do was cry.  I care so much about this child.


I think it made me realize how much and how little we do.  I swoop in for 8 weeks, doing my best to help.  My teacher said today that if I hadn't been so much help in the class, if things hadn't turned around so much in such a short time, she was going to quit.  I'm glad I could help, but in 6 weeks I'm on my way.  I won't see these kids again.  They will still have things to overcome that I can't even imagine.  I know some of them will do it.  I also know some of them won't. 

I know this is not a new dilemma, this is simply how things are.  I just wish I could do more than be sad about it.  I wish neither I nor they will have to suffer the limits of my own volunteer work.