A Hard Day.

Today was a hard day. 

Hard days don't usually bother me. My days are no longer about me, but today was particularly difficult.

It started off as a normal day at school.  A rousing round of "wrangle the children" while they have breakfast in the cafeteria.  It's more fun than work.  Many of the kids, upon seeing me in the cafeteria yell "Sarah!" and then proceed to hug me.  I think I get more hugs now than I ever did before. I can't complain.

Post-cafeteria craziness, I go to my class.  I like helping one-on-one with the kids. It's my favorite part of the day.  We are learning how to subtract fractions and they are getting pretty good at it.  Only a few really need work, and I get to spend my time with them.  Seeing them succeed is one of my favorite things.  I don't know if I'd ever have it in me to teach 8-year old's, but I really do love these kids.  Even the ones I have to coerce to pick up a pencil.

I also mentor a few children.  All of us have at least one.  Kids the teachers thought needed some extra attention.  I had lunch with one of mine today.  A sweet child who could do so well, but is lacking confidence. This child, in casual conversation, told me some pretty terrible things that are happening at home.  Today it hit home, I've heard it before, but all I wanted to do was cry.  I care so much about this child.


I think it made me realize how much and how little we do.  I swoop in for 8 weeks, doing my best to help.  My teacher said today that if I hadn't been so much help in the class, if things hadn't turned around so much in such a short time, she was going to quit.  I'm glad I could help, but in 6 weeks I'm on my way.  I won't see these kids again.  They will still have things to overcome that I can't even imagine.  I know some of them will do it.  I also know some of them won't. 

I know this is not a new dilemma, this is simply how things are.  I just wish I could do more than be sad about it.  I wish neither I nor they will have to suffer the limits of my own volunteer work.

“Life's most persistent and urgent question is: What are you doing for others? "- Martin Luther King Jr.

Today we remember a life by attempting, in some small way, to make the lives of others better. If I could choose a way to be remembered, I would want people to pay-it forward for me, since simply remembering someone does nothing to make the world any better.

My team and I were the kick-off site for a 13 site clean-up in Sacramento City Public Schools.  We worked at PS-7, an incredibly high-achieving, but underfunded and understaffed public school in the Sacramento City Unified School District.  They have no money for janitors or a maintenance crew, so we (along with 100 or so Kaiser Permanente employees) were it.  Since we were the kick-off site, the mayor showed up, along with a half-dozen or so media outlets.  I tried to avoid those like the plague.  It wasn't always possible.

We got to PS-7 at 5:15am, set up and waited.  After leading people through registration, breakfast, and the many speeches of pontificating politicians and CEO's, we got to work. We each led a group of volunteers to do a specific  clean-up task.  I had the great multi-purpose room scrub down. With a team of 5 volunteers  and another Americorps member under my wing, we dusted windows, scrubbed walls and tables, swept and mopped.  Since a team of 7 could knock that out in about and hour and a half, we moved on to moving tables and chairs and organizing other classrooms. I thought it went pretty well, all in all.

In other news, my life at Woodlake Elementary School is going pretty well.  I'm working with a class of 3rd graders.  They are pretty wonderful.  I basically help with homework and independent work. Some kids need so much help, others need to be pushed and challenged, it's never boring.  I also get to plan a science lesson for every Friday! In California, all the kids are tested on are Math and Reading, so science and social studies are ignored.  Also, my teacher is not scientifically-inclined, therefore it is not taught to my students.   
It's not a physically demanding task, but mentally it can be terribly taxing.  The kids tell you horror stories of their home lives and sometimes all you want to do is not let that kid go back to that home at the end of the day, but you smile and send them on their way.  It's all you can do.  I hope that I can give them some confidence and affection during the day, if they don't get it at home. I will be sad to leave them.  I hope they get another Americorps team next round, I don't want any improvements the school makes while we are here fall to the wayside after we leave.

I think the main thing I have learned, so far, in this oft-terrible program is that I truly can do anything.  There really is always a way to get what you really want done, done.  I've stood on 60 degree slopes of mountainsides swinging a machete like a madwoman, I've led a group of disgruntled volunteers, I've even faced a class of 35 9-year old's armed with balloons and a recently-acquired knowledge of static electricity.  The last being, by far, the scariest.  After this year, I really do believe whatever I truly want, I can get.

Time Delay.

I started Americorps National Civilian Community Corps (NCCC) on October 7th, 2010. There was training and craziness and rules and I did not have time to write about it. Then I went to a magical land off the coast of LA called Santa Catalina Island, I was camping with no electricity and only occasional internet access.  It was amazing.  If you ever want to feel empowered, spend some time climbing mountains with slopes so steep you have to bury your machete (yes, my machete) into the soil and use it to pull yourself up to the top.  Jackhammering is another good option. Trust me, it works. Anyway, the moral of this tale would be that I had no time or ability to write about my life as a volunteer. 
Now I'm going to try again.
This round, round 2, my team and I are staying on campus in Sacramento to work in an elementary school that could use an infusion of idealistic, fresh-faced, 20-something's.  They have no idea what they signed up for.  We start in on the 5th, after a 2-day stint of prepartory meetings, presentations, and other "important" duties.  I'm nervous (terrified actually), I'm excited, mostly I'm ready to start working for something again.  Break was wonderful, but I'm ready to start helping.

I feel I could best sum up what I haven't written about by giving you a list of what I have learned in Americorps:

• You can never have too many flashlights, waterbottles, or pairs of socks.
• 15-passenger vans are terrifiying, particularly to drive.
• Dish soap can freeze
• Campfires cook faster than stoves
• British accents are not only fun, they can save your sanity
• Truly good people do exist
• When you hurt so much you think you can't move, you can.
• The smaller the cactus, the more it hurts.
• Bathing can be optional.
• Heights aren't that terrifying
• The sun means a lot in California.
• People can change
• And, my life seems pretty badass, even if I'm not.